The Secret Google Algorithm Finally Revealed !

Last week I had lunch with my buddy from Google.  Brat Mutts (*). He’s a rather big shot at Google. Looks after spam and these kind of things. Normally he just talks about all the nice things that he can buy now that his Google stock has exploded. Anyway, a nice guy.

We chatted a bit about search engines, Google updates and he was laughing his a** off when he told me “You see, all these poor s**ers who are trying to rank their site on our engine. They’ll never make it because no one has ever managed to crack the secret formula”.

I agreed. When he had finished his hamburger , he stood up, took his agenda under his arm, but a folded piece of paper fell on the floor. He was in a hurry, so he headed to the exit, and before I could hand him over the paper, he was already gone.

I just tell you all this, just to make sure that I didn’t steal or get this piece of information any shady way. It just happened like that.

So here I sat, with this piece of paper. Can I unfold it? Can I look at it? A bit embarrassing. Maybe a love letter, an invitation , who knows?

But my curiosity was stronger then me. So I slowly unfolded the paper …..

First I didn’t understand anything about it. What’s all this about? A formula? But about what? Rg ? walrus? So I searched a bit on internet and….

Bingo!!! All the abbreviations corresponded with one of the matrices that I found on searchengineland . It was THE seotable . And the secret formula of Rg . Ranking in Google!!

Here I was, having the holy grail in front of me. The secret to unlimited wealth.  Yes, I admit, I have exploited the formula before revealing it here. Now that I’ve made a fortune in less then 3 days, I cannot keep it just for me anymore, so I just share it with a couple of people here. But, shhh, please don’t forward, don’t share, don’t copy this HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL piece of information.

Ok, you all wonder what it looks like. Well, here is the scan that I made of the sheet.

 google secret formula

Do I need to explain more? Look on searchengineland for an explanation of all the parameters. For example : Cq is the criteria if your articles are well written. Lq are the number of backlinks to your site. But there are a number of variables that I haven’t been able to find :

ARS : Article Submitters?? LBS: Back Link submitters? DC : Duplicate Content?? TS : Thin Sites??

Given the handwritten notes, I think they have to do all with ‘shady’ practices. Which get heavily penalized.

And what is this ‘Walrus 4/15/14’ note? The new upcoming update from our search engine?  Duplicate content will be penalized 5x more? Thin sites will be factored in by power 10?

What you can  learn from this formula, is that if you manage to increase the speed of light ( c ) , your Rg (ranking in Google) will literally explode !

I will investigate a bit further all the other variables. Let me just cash in on all the sites that are now ranking number one on Google. I’ll be back soon. And don’t forget to watch your search results 4/15/14.

PS: This is highly confidential. Please don’t share, tweet, forward, copy.

(*) Names have been changed intentionally. Any resemblance with real personalities is pure coincidence.

signature

Tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>